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Joyce Dudley
Santa Barbara Senior Deputy DA for Santa Barbara County
Recap of presentation to the Santa Barbara Council for Self-Esteem - 03/18/05
Joyce Dudley, Santa Barbara Senior Deputy DA for Santa Barbara County spoke openly about the development of her self-esteem after coming into the world as an unwanted child. Her 82 year old mother, who was in the audience, decided that in spite of those feelings that there were two things every child needed, those being (1) self-esteem and (2) a good education.
A recollection from when she was about 5 proved her mother’s intent and has remained with her ever since. Joyce related that her mother was in a rather deep conversation with a neighbor and she was anxious for her mother’s attention. So she picked up a newspaper and told her mom she had something she needed to read to her. She was reading each word slowly and deliberately when the neighbor became frustrated and angrily asked her mother, “Don’t you see how rudely your child is behaving, interrupting our conversation? How can you let her do this?
Joyce has never forgotten that her mother replied, “There is nothing more important than hearing what my daughter has to tell me.” This response made a life time impression on Joyce, who basked in the respect her mother had just shown her.
Joyce’s mother also stood up for her at school where Joyce was hyperactive. Her teacher complained that she routinely disturbed the class. Her mother visited classroom.
When her mother observed the class, she noted that Joyce, who is deaf in one ear, was sitting in the back row, and would throw up her hand, when she knew the answer to the teacher’s question, bounced up and down in her chair and made an “ooh, ooh, ooh” noise. Because of her deafness, Joyce’s mother suggested that she be moved to the front row where she could hear better and not feel that she had to stand up and make noises to be noticed. The suggested move to the front row worked!
The hyperactivity continued, however, and although Joyce graduated from college in just 3 ½ years, she attended 7 different colleges before doing so! She also confessed that it took her 3 marriages and 2 divorces to “get it right”.
Now she is very happily married and has been for 20 years. She listens to her “gut” feelings, her head and her heart when making her decisions. She learns from her failures, pain and loss rather than dwelling on them. She cries openly, feels the pain and uses it to motivate her to do differently in the future.
One lesson Joyce learned from being on the airlines so often, she uses daily. It is when the flight attendant states that the oxygen mask should be placed on yourself before placing one on your child. From this she has recognized the need for her to take very good care of herself before attempting to assist others. She exercises daily, eats nutritious food, goes to bed early, gets up early (to begin her day with writing) and is really good at knowing when and how to say “no” to requests from others!
Joyce suggests that when we have those days when we are not feeling good about ourselves, we give to others (she is a volunteer for the Girls’ Club). She works to be non-judgmental and receives inspiration from unexpected sources such at addicts who are winning their fight against drug and alcohol addiction even though the drug has become more important to them than anything.
There are people who have inspired Joyce Dudley with their books, such as Jack Canfield (Chicken Soup for the Soul books) and Robin Norwood (Women Who Love Too Much). Joyce’s first novel has just come out (Justice Served). She inspires herself by working continuously on her goals of being an excellent wife, mother, lawyer, writer and person. She read some excerpts from her book and shared a few of her favorite quotations.
Joyce Dudley has found that as we reach middle age confidence and poise can come from our experiences—both successes and failures. She quoted Churchill as saying, “Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.” In that her life began to change for the better when the teacher moved Joyce to the front row, she left us with the suggestion that we all make it a point to sit as close to the front as possible.
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