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Mollie Ahlstrand
Presentation to the SB Council for Self-teem-04/11/08
The Introduction
By Dennis Forster
Our guest speaker today is Mollie Ahlstrand, a Master Chef and Restaurateur.
Mollie began her journey in Ethiopia but soon moved to Italy where she mastered the culinary art of preparing gastronomical delights, Italian style. She apprenticed at Arturo's in Rome, where it is rumored, ethereal pasta was made. In fact, the Pope deemed it so heavenly; he had it delivered regularly to the Vatican.
Eventually she was recognized internationally, receiving the five-diamond silver medallion award from the American Academy of Hospitality Sciences.
You can enjoy the results of her passion at Trattoria Mollie in Montecito where she has been offering her Italian cuisine for 15 years. Her restaurant is a favorite of Oprah Winfrey who recommends the now internationally known Turkey Meatballs.
Mollie is here today to talk about how strong self-esteem was a factor in her journey from Ethiopia to Montecito. I am confident her journey had many interesting challenges and I am looking forward to hearing how she handled those interruptions.
Please, give a warm welcome to Chef Mollie.
The following wrap-up is by Betty Hatch
“I’m so fortunate to be in America!” were the first words of the extremely attractive woman. She was dressed in a white turtleneck sweater accented by a an equally bright smile and sparkling eyes. For the next hour, Mollie Ahlstrand shared her life story, baring her soul for a spell-bound audience.
Mollie was born into a Muslim family. Her mother was a traditional Muslim housewife. In contrast, her father was an intelligent merchant, Western in his thinking, and a great believer in the value of education. He sent his children to the Western school rather than the Muslim school. He was looked down upon by his neighbors for permitting his children this experience.
Mollie described herself as a trouble maker. She didn’t want to be like the other girls. She felt they were victims in the teachings of Islam. To fit into the mold of her friends, she would have to be condescending, polite, doing what she was told and behaving the way of other Muslim girls.
Neighbors criticized Mollie for going to a Christian school. She ignored the gossip and rumors believing in herself and following her own heart. But her father succumbed to the pressure of their neighbors, when he was told he could not attend the mosk if his children remained in the Western school. A compromise was reached with his being allowed to attend the mosk by removing the girls.
At 13, it was time for Mollie to marry; she didn’t want to become a wife like her mother and definitely did not wish to follow the Muslin tradition. Then at 14, She was too old to be married by Muslim standards and was forced to stay at home with her mom. She became sad, depressed and lonely. Mollie prayed to get married and then divorced in order to get out of the culture. She was aware a divorced woman could leave the city. Her father finally found a man who would marry her; he was twice her age. Molly had never seen him.
There was a big wedding celebration. The neighbors were gossiping again about the probability of Mollie not being a virgin. As was the tradition, the groom was given a white napkin to collect the blood at consummation. The napkin would be displayed before the guests to prove the bride was a virgin. If there was no blood on the white napkin, Mollie would be beaten by her husband and her father.
The resulting marriage was unbearable for Mollie. She frantically wanted a divorce. She begged her father to let her divorce her husband. Finally he relented and the lengthy procedure began. Securing the divorce was quite difficult. While standing before a 50 year old judge arguing her case, the judge motioned to her father to approach the bench. Quietly the judge told him, he would be willing to take Molly as his 5th wife!
Fortunately Mollie’s father knew she would never agree to that. Mollie knew she could get her divorce for certain, by stated before the judge, “If I do not get this divorce, I will convert to Christianity!” That said, her divorce was granted.
Mollie was very anxious to leave Northern Ethiopia but by law, had to wait three months to make sure she was not pregnant. She waited and learned she was indeed pregnant. This sent 15 year old Mollie home once more to stay with her baby and her mother. Mollie’s voice quieted as she fought the tears while attempting to say how very sorry she is that she had not realized her love for her son after delivering him when she was a child. Those who heard and felt her pain in the audience, cried with her. She continued to express her love and gratitude for her son’s being in her life.
One of Mollie’s brothers had been given a scholarship to the University in Saratoga, NY. He was the first student in her town to receive such an award. When he returned, he went to live in the capital of Ethiopia. He persuaded his father to send Mollie to live with him, where she could continue her schooling. Her baby could stay at home with their mother.
After arriving in Addis Ababa, the capital, Mollie soon became despondent. Her brother was a devout Muslim who escorted her to and from school not letting her out of his sight. She wanted to run her own life, could not stand the hovering of her brother and finally ran away.
During this challenging period, Mollie continued to communicate with her father. He desperately wanted her to return to Ethiopia. She relented after she struck a deal with him; she would go home if he would set her up in business!
Her business was very successful. She loved her work in the camera store. Mollie became more independent. She learned to drive a car, (the first woman in her town to do so) and she became enchanted with her son. Now as an adult, she felt the motherly love she had not felt at 14.
Mollie wanted desperately to leave Ethiopia, and knew in her heart she would find a way to do so. One day a group of people from Brooks institute of Photography came into her store. Since she had taken photos for weddings and had some experience, Mollie was able to convince them to apply for a scholarship for her at Brooks. They did and she was accepted.
Again getting out of the country was very difficult. Mollie had to bribe everyone to make it happen. Ethiopian regulations would not permit her to take her son or any money with her, and she was expected to return after her training. Mollie knew she would not return. She vowed to bring her son to California no matter how difficult it would be. Mollie was on her way to Santa Barbara.
Her schooling at Brooks did not work out. “I didn’t like it; it was very hard” explained Mollie. I rented a small room and got a job wanting to bring my son here. Then one day, I told one of my friends about my son having been ostracized by the boys in the neighborhood.”
“They fought with him, threw him down and walked on him, breaking his hip. I want to bring him to the United States for surgery but I don’t have the money.”
“Mollie”, she replied, “There is a hospital in Los Angeles called Shriners Hospital. They treat children with bone injuries at no charge!”
Mollie’s friend helped her get in touch with them. And once more Mollie was successful but had to go through months of hassle with the Ethiopian government to let her son leave the country.
By now the reader has probably recognized in Mollie her ingredients for self-Esteem, which she handed out on cards to the audience. They are:
- Believe in yourself.
- Stand for what you believe in.
- Love yourself.
- Don’t let others put you down.
- Trust your instincts.
- Do your best.
- Admit your mistakes and move on.
- Be honest.
- Live day by day.
- Be tough but sensitive.
- Be nice to others.
- Smile
Mollie does not regret her past life. She learned from her mistakes, forgave herself and moved on. She believes that how she feels about herself is what matters most. From Islam, she learned to live one day at a time, knowing this moment is all we really have. She is strict and fair with her employees and says that Like Bill Gates, she pays her top, “A” employees well and treats them well; she trains her B employees to be A employees. If she happens to mistakenly hire a “C” employee, she fires them!
The presentation that began with appreciation ended with even more. Mollie again expressed her gratitude to Shriners Hospital and to the United States of America. The audience returned their gratitude for her openly sharing her story and her wisdom. When asked what her future goal might be, Mollie Ahlstrand replied without hesitation, “I want to give back to the country that has given me so much!”
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